teaberryblue: (cap)
I know a lot of the people I know on the internet are folks who were never the “cool kids” when they were younger.

And sometimes you run into people who seem resentful of this, and seem to think that now that they’re adults, it’s their turn, now they get to exclude people from things.

But one of the things I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older is that sometimes the kids that the rest of us thought we the “cool kids” never considered themselves to be the “cool kids.”

There may be varying degrees of correctness in that assumption, but there’s one thing that stands out as true: adolescence is a bitch, and everyone has memories of being excluded, left out, picked on, trying to fit in, trying to impress, and often failing.

We all do. We all have a memory of an outfit we bought that we thought was SO AWESOME that other kids mocked, or a memory of that boy or girl who kissed us “on a dare” or “as a joke,” of being picked on for having big boobs or no boobs, too much or not enough facial hair, for being awkward or wearing glasses or having acne or covered in body hair and not allowed to shave yet.

And we have a memory of a group of other kids who all seemed happy and all seemed to have a sense of belonging, like some golden light was shining down on them, and how badly we wanted to be one of them, if we were one of them, all our problems would be over.

But here’s the trick: now you’re a grownup. And yeah, you’re going to run into people who like you and people who don’t. And sometimes you’re going to meet a new person and they’re going to like you. And I don’t mean in a romantic sense. I mean they’re going to want to hang out with you and listen to what you have to say and your head will be going HOLY FUCK THIS PERSON IS SO GORGEOUS AND SMART AND TALENTED WHY ARE THEY TALKING TO ME WHY IS IT ME THEY WANT TO HANG OUT WITH.

And that? That is because now you are the cool kids’ table. Who sat at that table when you were a kid doesn’t matter anymore. Now you’re assembling your own table. And you get to pick who sits at it. If someone’s a jerk to you or your friends, you don’t have to give them a seat at your table.

And you can be that person who remembers being left out and decide this is your turn to be the gatekeeper, and try to keep people away from your table because they’re not as talented or not as experienced or skilled or rich or capable or whatever. Because you do get to pick.

But you can also keep the people who are kind and care about others even if they’re not the best at every little thing, you can teach them about the things you love in common and they’ll learn, and they’ll probably teach you something in return. And that is the really fucking coolest kids’ table
teaberryblue: (Default)
The sandwiches in our cafeteria come with a pickle, you see.

I have a turkey sandwich with Muenster cheese and guacamole on it on a multigrain roll. And the guy making the sandwiches gave me two pickles. I always get excited when I get two pickles.

I just spoke to my super; he's going to come over tonight and see what the heck the deal with my stove is. Best part? I am supposed to be going out for dinner and comics with [livejournal.com profile] nervousystem and I don't even need to cancel, super will come over at 11pm! Whee! The sad part is I can't make any ice cream till the stove is fixed, and I have a whole slew of herbs I want to infuse (I have burdock! Burdock to go with my dandelions!) and I can't do anything with them.

So things are pretty good today. The sky is so hazy that the spires of the city are lost in the clouds, and everything is a thick milk-white. It looks tactile, like you could peel it away.

Oh I just want to share this old post that keeps coming up in conversations. I think it is probably the single greatest dream I have ever had. Batman: Year 86. Yes, I dream about Batman.

What is up in your neck of the woods? Is it an awesome day?
teaberryblue: (Default)
The sandwiches in our cafeteria come with a pickle, you see.

I have a turkey sandwich with Muenster cheese and guacamole on it on a multigrain roll. And the guy making the sandwiches gave me two pickles. I always get excited when I get two pickles.

I just spoke to my super; he's going to come over tonight and see what the heck the deal with my stove is. Best part? I am supposed to be going out for dinner and comics with [livejournal.com profile] nervousystem and I don't even need to cancel, super will come over at 11pm! Whee! The sad part is I can't make any ice cream till the stove is fixed, and I have a whole slew of herbs I want to infuse (I have burdock! Burdock to go with my dandelions!) and I can't do anything with them.

So things are pretty good today. The sky is so hazy that the spires of the city are lost in the clouds, and everything is a thick milk-white. It looks tactile, like you could peel it away.

Oh I just want to share this old post that keeps coming up in conversations. I think it is probably the single greatest dream I have ever had. Batman: Year 86. Yes, I dream about Batman.

What is up in your neck of the woods? Is it an awesome day?
teaberryblue: (Default)
The sandwiches in our cafeteria come with a pickle, you see.

I have a turkey sandwich with Muenster cheese and guacamole on it on a multigrain roll. And the guy making the sandwiches gave me two pickles. I always get excited when I get two pickles.

I just spoke to my super; he's going to come over tonight and see what the heck the deal with my stove is. Best part? I am supposed to be going out for dinner and comics with [livejournal.com profile] nervousystem and I don't even need to cancel, super will come over at 11pm! Whee! The sad part is I can't make any ice cream till the stove is fixed, and I have a whole slew of herbs I want to infuse (I have burdock! Burdock to go with my dandelions!) and I can't do anything with them.

So things are pretty good today. The sky is so hazy that the spires of the city are lost in the clouds, and everything is a thick milk-white. It looks tactile, like you could peel it away.

Oh I just want to share this old post that keeps coming up in conversations. I think it is probably the single greatest dream I have ever had. Batman: Year 86. Yes, I dream about Batman.

What is up in your neck of the woods? Is it an awesome day?
teaberryblue: (Default)
I went out to eat with [livejournal.com profile] cacophonesque, [livejournal.com profile] cheshire23, and [livejournal.com profile] waterfaery tonight. I'd never met [livejournal.com profile] waterfaery before so it was very very nice. And Destiny and AJ are awesome as ever. I love people I like.

We talked a lot about Tarot cards and [livejournal.com profile] waterfaery showed us her spread that she does. It was nice to talk Tarot with sane people. I'm a bit irritated because that's what I created [livejournal.com profile] tarot_week for, but there are way too many loonies there.

I hate people on the internet sometimes.

I haven't written at all this week, but I think that's okay. I plan on bringing a notebook and trying to write things not-on-the-computer this weekend while I'm in Texas. Sometimes I find I need to rest my eyes, especially when I am at the computer all day long. I try to take breaks at work, when I need to rest my eyes, but so much of my work is on the computer. I had been trying to actually take my full lunch hour, but most people at work seem to eat at their desks all the time and I end up not having anyone to sit with in the cafeteria, so I feel a little bit intimidated by the whole crowd scene.

One thing I did want to talk about is my new and increased attempt at hydrating. Work has a water cooler and I try to keep drinking water all day long. I've also switched from soda to water at home. I am pretty proud of myself; I haven't had any soda since last week. Generally I go through a liter a day. I am hoping this will make me overall a healthier person.

I also have been making myself eat at home most nights. I used to eat a lot of take out. Now, most of the take out was vegan, so I was very healthy, but also expensive, and it was costing me up to about $10 a night to eat. By cooking my own meals, which are mostly tuna or cheese sandwiches, and grits and eggs, I have brought my eat-at-home budget down to about ten to fifteen dollars a week. Since I am saving a lot more money on food, but I really need to because I am making less money at this job than I have made previously, I am not really giving myself more freedom with expenditures (I'm actually seeing fewer movies), I've decided that one thing I can do is to actually carry spare change to give to people who are asking for money on the street. I don't give money to people on subways, since it's technically illegal to panhandle on the subway, but I do try to give change to anyone who asks on my way to or from work. I was raised to believe that it's better to give money directly to charities, but the more I interact with needy people, the more I realize that many of them don't go to charities for help, for good or bad reasons, and that the idea that homeless people are only using loose change to buy drugs is bullshit. I am sure there are some who do. But I would rather accidentally support someone's drug habit than not help someone get a hamburger at McDonalds. I am strongly in favor of the trickle-UP economy.

The sad thing is, I rarely have enough change in my pocket for everyone I see.

On that note, I would like to mention that the number of empty storefronts in my neighborhood is devastating. It has definitely more than doubled since last summer. Even Ben & Jerry's has gone out of business. This is the Ben & Jerry's around the corner from Times Square, which is a very well-trafficked area. A lot of mom & pop delis and bodegas are closing, I notice, too. It's pretty depressing. But when I see empty storefronts, there is a part of me that starts imagining what sort of business I would like to open in them.

The (friends-only, sorry non-friends) post I made the other day about facebook has really gotten me thinking of other things that happened when I was a kid. I know I said I was picked on but that I was a little snot, too. I will give you one example of me being a snot.

One of the kids who picked on me a lot was a boy named John. I wouldn't give out his name, but it's important to the story. All I remember is that he was one of those kids who by second grade still couldn't spell his own name-- and I could spell his name, because my father's name is John. But he spelled it "Jhon" without fail. He used to abuse the hell out of me-- verbally, of course-- but I honestly can't remember what he did now.

I do remember what I did to him. In second grade, we had "mailboxes" in our classroom-- little slots where our work was returned to us when the teacher marked it. One day, I left the following rhyme in his mailbox:

John, John, leprechaun
Went to school with nothing on.
Teacher, teacher, that's not fair!
Give me back my underwear!


I don't know if anyone ever figured out that it was me, but the teacher I think suspected something since she made "leprechaun" one of our spelling words the next week. I think she was trying to figure out who already knew how to spell it. So I deliberately misspelled it on my homework.
teaberryblue: (Default)
I went out to eat with [livejournal.com profile] cacophonesque, [livejournal.com profile] cheshire23, and [livejournal.com profile] waterfaery tonight. I'd never met [livejournal.com profile] waterfaery before so it was very very nice. And Destiny and AJ are awesome as ever. I love people I like.

We talked a lot about Tarot cards and [livejournal.com profile] waterfaery showed us her spread that she does. It was nice to talk Tarot with sane people. I'm a bit irritated because that's what I created [livejournal.com profile] tarot_week for, but there are way too many loonies there.

I hate people on the internet sometimes.

I haven't written at all this week, but I think that's okay. I plan on bringing a notebook and trying to write things not-on-the-computer this weekend while I'm in Texas. Sometimes I find I need to rest my eyes, especially when I am at the computer all day long. I try to take breaks at work, when I need to rest my eyes, but so much of my work is on the computer. I had been trying to actually take my full lunch hour, but most people at work seem to eat at their desks all the time and I end up not having anyone to sit with in the cafeteria, so I feel a little bit intimidated by the whole crowd scene.

One thing I did want to talk about is my new and increased attempt at hydrating. Work has a water cooler and I try to keep drinking water all day long. I've also switched from soda to water at home. I am pretty proud of myself; I haven't had any soda since last week. Generally I go through a liter a day. I am hoping this will make me overall a healthier person.

I also have been making myself eat at home most nights. I used to eat a lot of take out. Now, most of the take out was vegan, so I was very healthy, but also expensive, and it was costing me up to about $10 a night to eat. By cooking my own meals, which are mostly tuna or cheese sandwiches, and grits and eggs, I have brought my eat-at-home budget down to about ten to fifteen dollars a week. Since I am saving a lot more money on food, but I really need to because I am making less money at this job than I have made previously, I am not really giving myself more freedom with expenditures (I'm actually seeing fewer movies), I've decided that one thing I can do is to actually carry spare change to give to people who are asking for money on the street. I don't give money to people on subways, since it's technically illegal to panhandle on the subway, but I do try to give change to anyone who asks on my way to or from work. I was raised to believe that it's better to give money directly to charities, but the more I interact with needy people, the more I realize that many of them don't go to charities for help, for good or bad reasons, and that the idea that homeless people are only using loose change to buy drugs is bullshit. I am sure there are some who do. But I would rather accidentally support someone's drug habit than not help someone get a hamburger at McDonalds. I am strongly in favor of the trickle-UP economy.

The sad thing is, I rarely have enough change in my pocket for everyone I see.

On that note, I would like to mention that the number of empty storefronts in my neighborhood is devastating. It has definitely more than doubled since last summer. Even Ben & Jerry's has gone out of business. This is the Ben & Jerry's around the corner from Times Square, which is a very well-trafficked area. A lot of mom & pop delis and bodegas are closing, I notice, too. It's pretty depressing. But when I see empty storefronts, there is a part of me that starts imagining what sort of business I would like to open in them.

The (friends-only, sorry non-friends) post I made the other day about facebook has really gotten me thinking of other things that happened when I was a kid. I know I said I was picked on but that I was a little snot, too. I will give you one example of me being a snot.

One of the kids who picked on me a lot was a boy named John. I wouldn't give out his name, but it's important to the story. All I remember is that he was one of those kids who by second grade still couldn't spell his own name-- and I could spell his name, because my father's name is John. But he spelled it "Jhon" without fail. He used to abuse the hell out of me-- verbally, of course-- but I honestly can't remember what he did now.

I do remember what I did to him. In second grade, we had "mailboxes" in our classroom-- little slots where our work was returned to us when the teacher marked it. One day, I left the following rhyme in his mailbox:

John, John, leprechaun
Went to school with nothing on.
Teacher, teacher, that's not fair!
Give me back my underwear!


I don't know if anyone ever figured out that it was me, but the teacher I think suspected something since she made "leprechaun" one of our spelling words the next week. I think she was trying to figure out who already knew how to spell it. So I deliberately misspelled it on my homework.
teaberryblue: (Default)
I went out to eat with [livejournal.com profile] cacophonesque, [livejournal.com profile] cheshire23, and [livejournal.com profile] waterfaery tonight. I'd never met [livejournal.com profile] waterfaery before so it was very very nice. And Destiny and AJ are awesome as ever. I love people I like.

We talked a lot about Tarot cards and [livejournal.com profile] waterfaery showed us her spread that she does. It was nice to talk Tarot with sane people. I'm a bit irritated because that's what I created [livejournal.com profile] tarot_week for, but there are way too many loonies there.

I hate people on the internet sometimes.

I haven't written at all this week, but I think that's okay. I plan on bringing a notebook and trying to write things not-on-the-computer this weekend while I'm in Texas. Sometimes I find I need to rest my eyes, especially when I am at the computer all day long. I try to take breaks at work, when I need to rest my eyes, but so much of my work is on the computer. I had been trying to actually take my full lunch hour, but most people at work seem to eat at their desks all the time and I end up not having anyone to sit with in the cafeteria, so I feel a little bit intimidated by the whole crowd scene.

One thing I did want to talk about is my new and increased attempt at hydrating. Work has a water cooler and I try to keep drinking water all day long. I've also switched from soda to water at home. I am pretty proud of myself; I haven't had any soda since last week. Generally I go through a liter a day. I am hoping this will make me overall a healthier person.

I also have been making myself eat at home most nights. I used to eat a lot of take out. Now, most of the take out was vegan, so I was very healthy, but also expensive, and it was costing me up to about $10 a night to eat. By cooking my own meals, which are mostly tuna or cheese sandwiches, and grits and eggs, I have brought my eat-at-home budget down to about ten to fifteen dollars a week. Since I am saving a lot more money on food, but I really need to because I am making less money at this job than I have made previously, I am not really giving myself more freedom with expenditures (I'm actually seeing fewer movies), I've decided that one thing I can do is to actually carry spare change to give to people who are asking for money on the street. I don't give money to people on subways, since it's technically illegal to panhandle on the subway, but I do try to give change to anyone who asks on my way to or from work. I was raised to believe that it's better to give money directly to charities, but the more I interact with needy people, the more I realize that many of them don't go to charities for help, for good or bad reasons, and that the idea that homeless people are only using loose change to buy drugs is bullshit. I am sure there are some who do. But I would rather accidentally support someone's drug habit than not help someone get a hamburger at McDonalds. I am strongly in favor of the trickle-UP economy.

The sad thing is, I rarely have enough change in my pocket for everyone I see.

On that note, I would like to mention that the number of empty storefronts in my neighborhood is devastating. It has definitely more than doubled since last summer. Even Ben & Jerry's has gone out of business. This is the Ben & Jerry's around the corner from Times Square, which is a very well-trafficked area. A lot of mom & pop delis and bodegas are closing, I notice, too. It's pretty depressing. But when I see empty storefronts, there is a part of me that starts imagining what sort of business I would like to open in them.

The (friends-only, sorry non-friends) post I made the other day about facebook has really gotten me thinking of other things that happened when I was a kid. I know I said I was picked on but that I was a little snot, too. I will give you one example of me being a snot.

One of the kids who picked on me a lot was a boy named John. I wouldn't give out his name, but it's important to the story. All I remember is that he was one of those kids who by second grade still couldn't spell his own name-- and I could spell his name, because my father's name is John. But he spelled it "Jhon" without fail. He used to abuse the hell out of me-- verbally, of course-- but I honestly can't remember what he did now.

I do remember what I did to him. In second grade, we had "mailboxes" in our classroom-- little slots where our work was returned to us when the teacher marked it. One day, I left the following rhyme in his mailbox:

John, John, leprechaun
Went to school with nothing on.
Teacher, teacher, that's not fair!
Give me back my underwear!


I don't know if anyone ever figured out that it was me, but the teacher I think suspected something since she made "leprechaun" one of our spelling words the next week. I think she was trying to figure out who already knew how to spell it. So I deliberately misspelled it on my homework.
teaberryblue: (Default)
For Christmas, my cousin, Eliza, among other things, got me a body spray called "Miso Pretty."





Aside from the obvious offensiveness, and the fact that it was made in the USA with fake Engrish on the bottle, I tried it tonight and was saddened to discover that it did, in fact, smell like peony scent and not delicious, salty, fermented soy.

It is disappointing. I thought I would be tasty. Instead, I smell like flowers.

Also, if you are at all familiar with New York City tenement houses, you will know about the anguish that is the middle of winter. Yes, it's the time of year when, to avoid lawsuits from letting old people freeze to death, the landlord has decided to pump up the heat so much that the inside temperature in my apartment is 82 degrees Fahrenheit.

I turned on the air conditioner in my bedroom to try to get it down to something in the 70s because last night it was so hot I couldn't sleep even without any covers.

I would also like to let you all in on a little secret. [livejournal.com profile] liret sometimes comes to visit me. That is not the secret part. Every time she comes, she inevitably leaves something behind. She has left everything from her shoes to her computer cable in the past. But most frequently she leaves clothes. Sometimes, they are very nice clothes. This time, she left a blue, long-sleeved, ribbed shirt. This is not the secret, either.

The secret is that someday, I will start wearing these clothes, because some of them are very nice clothes.

But for now, I will save them for her inevitable return, like Christ's inevitable resurrection. I mean, how much would it have sucked if Jesus had come back and Mary had been like, shit, sorry, I threw out your jalapeño boxers?

I've decided I think I am going to try to record more sort of train-of-thoughty type stuff. Sometimes I am like, ooh, that would be fun to write about, but then I think maybe no one would really want to read it. But I think I learned that it is more important to write what I would like to write about than to worry about what other people want to read about. I think it's bad when people's journals get to be things that they are writing to please the people reading them. The only thing now is remembering what I would like to say! I think that in the end, years from now, I will be happier to see these recorded thoughts than I would if I look back and only see memes or something.
teaberryblue: (Default)
For Christmas, my cousin, Eliza, among other things, got me a body spray called "Miso Pretty."





Aside from the obvious offensiveness, and the fact that it was made in the USA with fake Engrish on the bottle, I tried it tonight and was saddened to discover that it did, in fact, smell like peony scent and not delicious, salty, fermented soy.

It is disappointing. I thought I would be tasty. Instead, I smell like flowers.

Also, if you are at all familiar with New York City tenement houses, you will know about the anguish that is the middle of winter. Yes, it's the time of year when, to avoid lawsuits from letting old people freeze to death, the landlord has decided to pump up the heat so much that the inside temperature in my apartment is 82 degrees Fahrenheit.

I turned on the air conditioner in my bedroom to try to get it down to something in the 70s because last night it was so hot I couldn't sleep even without any covers.

I would also like to let you all in on a little secret. [livejournal.com profile] liret sometimes comes to visit me. That is not the secret part. Every time she comes, she inevitably leaves something behind. She has left everything from her shoes to her computer cable in the past. But most frequently she leaves clothes. Sometimes, they are very nice clothes. This time, she left a blue, long-sleeved, ribbed shirt. This is not the secret, either.

The secret is that someday, I will start wearing these clothes, because some of them are very nice clothes.

But for now, I will save them for her inevitable return, like Christ's inevitable resurrection. I mean, how much would it have sucked if Jesus had come back and Mary had been like, shit, sorry, I threw out your jalapeño boxers?

I've decided I think I am going to try to record more sort of train-of-thoughty type stuff. Sometimes I am like, ooh, that would be fun to write about, but then I think maybe no one would really want to read it. But I think I learned that it is more important to write what I would like to write about than to worry about what other people want to read about. I think it's bad when people's journals get to be things that they are writing to please the people reading them. The only thing now is remembering what I would like to say! I think that in the end, years from now, I will be happier to see these recorded thoughts than I would if I look back and only see memes or something.
teaberryblue: (Default)
For Christmas, my cousin, Eliza, among other things, got me a body spray called "Miso Pretty."





Aside from the obvious offensiveness, and the fact that it was made in the USA with fake Engrish on the bottle, I tried it tonight and was saddened to discover that it did, in fact, smell like peony scent and not delicious, salty, fermented soy.

It is disappointing. I thought I would be tasty. Instead, I smell like flowers.

Also, if you are at all familiar with New York City tenement houses, you will know about the anguish that is the middle of winter. Yes, it's the time of year when, to avoid lawsuits from letting old people freeze to death, the landlord has decided to pump up the heat so much that the inside temperature in my apartment is 82 degrees Fahrenheit.

I turned on the air conditioner in my bedroom to try to get it down to something in the 70s because last night it was so hot I couldn't sleep even without any covers.

I would also like to let you all in on a little secret. [livejournal.com profile] liret sometimes comes to visit me. That is not the secret part. Every time she comes, she inevitably leaves something behind. She has left everything from her shoes to her computer cable in the past. But most frequently she leaves clothes. Sometimes, they are very nice clothes. This time, she left a blue, long-sleeved, ribbed shirt. This is not the secret, either.

The secret is that someday, I will start wearing these clothes, because some of them are very nice clothes.

But for now, I will save them for her inevitable return, like Christ's inevitable resurrection. I mean, how much would it have sucked if Jesus had come back and Mary had been like, shit, sorry, I threw out your jalapeño boxers?

I've decided I think I am going to try to record more sort of train-of-thoughty type stuff. Sometimes I am like, ooh, that would be fun to write about, but then I think maybe no one would really want to read it. But I think I learned that it is more important to write what I would like to write about than to worry about what other people want to read about. I think it's bad when people's journals get to be things that they are writing to please the people reading them. The only thing now is remembering what I would like to say! I think that in the end, years from now, I will be happier to see these recorded thoughts than I would if I look back and only see memes or something.
teaberryblue: (Default)
So, yeah, I don't know what the topic of this entry is going to be. I just felt like I wanted to update my LJ.

Something that has been troubling me lately: in the past few days, I have gotten flooded with a new kind of spam. It is not any different from any other kind of spam, with a fake header and then a link to some IP address in the body of the email, but it is particularly galling because these spams all have headers related to the earthquake in China and are made to look like newsfeed updates: "Another Earthquake Shocks China"; "Thousands Dead in China"; "More Chinese Atrocity", and so on. Not even any other tragedies-- no remarks on the floods in the Midwest-- all titled with paraphrased versions of the same content, suggesting that there has been another tragedy in a country that already had such an enormous disaster so recently.

It is really sort of offensive to me.

I just went to see The Visitor, which I had been not really moved to see, but Mongol was playing at inconvenient times this evening, so I will probably see it tomorrow morning. It was quite touching and had the only scene I have ever seen in a movie that displayed a grown man and a grown woman in bed together, embracing in a completely platonic manner, in one depicting mourning. I think the characters clearly feel some kind of attraction for each other, but it is one that they both know is better left unexplored, they both have more important things to do. Illegal immigration is an issue I struggle with greatly, partly because I think I might move to a different country that is more politically aligned with my own politics if it weren't for immigration restrictions. I don't like the idea that America is only the land of the free if you're born here, and I don't like the attitudes-- not just among Americans-- of nationalism that is dependent on a factor we just can't help. Where you're born isn't a choice; it's not something to be smug or superior over. I was talking to [livejournal.com profile] atomicfiction about this at the REM concert, and I said to him that being an American isn't really something I think you can be proud of unless it's something you achieve through INS. I don't feel like I can be proud of where I was born when living here and being an American takes no effort on my part.

What does take effort on my part? Being a woman. Living in New York, I frequently feel like I have to put on a flak jacket to leave my apartment; the block past the Port Authority is like running a gauntlet to avoid men staring, ogling, gaping, and laking lewd remarks. A couple weeks ago-- and this was something I meant to write up, and never did, I finally said fuck it, I'm sick of being victimized by these assholes, and I actually bitched one of them out. And I felt this funny mix of both shame-- but I feel shame every time a man treats me like that-- and pride that I had actually spoken up for myself. I was still angry, but not with that seething anger and humiliation. Anyway, since that day? No one has catcalled me. Not once. Till tonight, when some dude came up...

...and asked me for my autograph. WTF? I was so WTF that I couldn't even think of anything to say, and I just kept walking. And then I kicked myself for not being clever enough to say anything to that. Grr.

Work is good. Life is treating me well. I have three social obligations in the next week that are not on the computer, which is good for me! Yesterday was a pretty crapola day, but crapola days go away.
teaberryblue: (Default)
So, yeah, I don't know what the topic of this entry is going to be. I just felt like I wanted to update my LJ.

Something that has been troubling me lately: in the past few days, I have gotten flooded with a new kind of spam. It is not any different from any other kind of spam, with a fake header and then a link to some IP address in the body of the email, but it is particularly galling because these spams all have headers related to the earthquake in China and are made to look like newsfeed updates: "Another Earthquake Shocks China"; "Thousands Dead in China"; "More Chinese Atrocity", and so on. Not even any other tragedies-- no remarks on the floods in the Midwest-- all titled with paraphrased versions of the same content, suggesting that there has been another tragedy in a country that already had such an enormous disaster so recently.

It is really sort of offensive to me.

I just went to see The Visitor, which I had been not really moved to see, but Mongol was playing at inconvenient times this evening, so I will probably see it tomorrow morning. It was quite touching and had the only scene I have ever seen in a movie that displayed a grown man and a grown woman in bed together, embracing in a completely platonic manner, in one depicting mourning. I think the characters clearly feel some kind of attraction for each other, but it is one that they both know is better left unexplored, they both have more important things to do. Illegal immigration is an issue I struggle with greatly, partly because I think I might move to a different country that is more politically aligned with my own politics if it weren't for immigration restrictions. I don't like the idea that America is only the land of the free if you're born here, and I don't like the attitudes-- not just among Americans-- of nationalism that is dependent on a factor we just can't help. Where you're born isn't a choice; it's not something to be smug or superior over. I was talking to [livejournal.com profile] atomicfiction about this at the REM concert, and I said to him that being an American isn't really something I think you can be proud of unless it's something you achieve through INS. I don't feel like I can be proud of where I was born when living here and being an American takes no effort on my part.

What does take effort on my part? Being a woman. Living in New York, I frequently feel like I have to put on a flak jacket to leave my apartment; the block past the Port Authority is like running a gauntlet to avoid men staring, ogling, gaping, and laking lewd remarks. A couple weeks ago-- and this was something I meant to write up, and never did, I finally said fuck it, I'm sick of being victimized by these assholes, and I actually bitched one of them out. And I felt this funny mix of both shame-- but I feel shame every time a man treats me like that-- and pride that I had actually spoken up for myself. I was still angry, but not with that seething anger and humiliation. Anyway, since that day? No one has catcalled me. Not once. Till tonight, when some dude came up...

...and asked me for my autograph. WTF? I was so WTF that I couldn't even think of anything to say, and I just kept walking. And then I kicked myself for not being clever enough to say anything to that. Grr.

Work is good. Life is treating me well. I have three social obligations in the next week that are not on the computer, which is good for me! Yesterday was a pretty crapola day, but crapola days go away.
teaberryblue: (Default)
So, yeah, I don't know what the topic of this entry is going to be. I just felt like I wanted to update my LJ.

Something that has been troubling me lately: in the past few days, I have gotten flooded with a new kind of spam. It is not any different from any other kind of spam, with a fake header and then a link to some IP address in the body of the email, but it is particularly galling because these spams all have headers related to the earthquake in China and are made to look like newsfeed updates: "Another Earthquake Shocks China"; "Thousands Dead in China"; "More Chinese Atrocity", and so on. Not even any other tragedies-- no remarks on the floods in the Midwest-- all titled with paraphrased versions of the same content, suggesting that there has been another tragedy in a country that already had such an enormous disaster so recently.

It is really sort of offensive to me.

I just went to see The Visitor, which I had been not really moved to see, but Mongol was playing at inconvenient times this evening, so I will probably see it tomorrow morning. It was quite touching and had the only scene I have ever seen in a movie that displayed a grown man and a grown woman in bed together, embracing in a completely platonic manner, in one depicting mourning. I think the characters clearly feel some kind of attraction for each other, but it is one that they both know is better left unexplored, they both have more important things to do. Illegal immigration is an issue I struggle with greatly, partly because I think I might move to a different country that is more politically aligned with my own politics if it weren't for immigration restrictions. I don't like the idea that America is only the land of the free if you're born here, and I don't like the attitudes-- not just among Americans-- of nationalism that is dependent on a factor we just can't help. Where you're born isn't a choice; it's not something to be smug or superior over. I was talking to [livejournal.com profile] atomicfiction about this at the REM concert, and I said to him that being an American isn't really something I think you can be proud of unless it's something you achieve through INS. I don't feel like I can be proud of where I was born when living here and being an American takes no effort on my part.

What does take effort on my part? Being a woman. Living in New York, I frequently feel like I have to put on a flak jacket to leave my apartment; the block past the Port Authority is like running a gauntlet to avoid men staring, ogling, gaping, and laking lewd remarks. A couple weeks ago-- and this was something I meant to write up, and never did, I finally said fuck it, I'm sick of being victimized by these assholes, and I actually bitched one of them out. And I felt this funny mix of both shame-- but I feel shame every time a man treats me like that-- and pride that I had actually spoken up for myself. I was still angry, but not with that seething anger and humiliation. Anyway, since that day? No one has catcalled me. Not once. Till tonight, when some dude came up...

...and asked me for my autograph. WTF? I was so WTF that I couldn't even think of anything to say, and I just kept walking. And then I kicked myself for not being clever enough to say anything to that. Grr.

Work is good. Life is treating me well. I have three social obligations in the next week that are not on the computer, which is good for me! Yesterday was a pretty crapola day, but crapola days go away.
teaberryblue: (greenkit)
So zonky. I really shouldn't be going to bed past two. Also we need to have company nap time. I can't even keep my eyes open today.Buuut...Shiver is too much fun...

Hmm, there were a few things I wanted to write about.

My computer stopped being able to connect to the net this morning, but it's back on now, but gahhh that's infuriating. And it made me forget one of the things I wanted to talk about.

I remember the others, though.

1) Black Market Cigarette Sales.

Okay, on the way to work today, I saw a guy walking down the street selling "packs and loosies." I'm no fan of tobacco smoking, I don't think anyone should do it, but the prices on cigarettes are going to drive plenty of smokers to purchase illegally-- thus risking the same sorts of problems that come from a lack of regulation in any illegal drug trade. And if we're going to do THAT, can't we at least get the manufactury out of the hands of people who are responsible for making cigarettes even more poisonous and deadly?

2) New York City.

Is probably the only city in the world where the HOTEL EMPLOYEES are the ones communicating with tourists by using their hands because they (the hotel workers) don't know the native language.

This makes me <3 New York.
teaberryblue: (greenkit)
So zonky. I really shouldn't be going to bed past two. Also we need to have company nap time. I can't even keep my eyes open today.Buuut...Shiver is too much fun...

Hmm, there were a few things I wanted to write about.

My computer stopped being able to connect to the net this morning, but it's back on now, but gahhh that's infuriating. And it made me forget one of the things I wanted to talk about.

I remember the others, though.

1) Black Market Cigarette Sales.

Okay, on the way to work today, I saw a guy walking down the street selling "packs and loosies." I'm no fan of tobacco smoking, I don't think anyone should do it, but the prices on cigarettes are going to drive plenty of smokers to purchase illegally-- thus risking the same sorts of problems that come from a lack of regulation in any illegal drug trade. And if we're going to do THAT, can't we at least get the manufactury out of the hands of people who are responsible for making cigarettes even more poisonous and deadly?

2) New York City.

Is probably the only city in the world where the HOTEL EMPLOYEES are the ones communicating with tourists by using their hands because they (the hotel workers) don't know the native language.

This makes me <3 New York.
teaberryblue: (greenkit)
So zonky. I really shouldn't be going to bed past two. Also we need to have company nap time. I can't even keep my eyes open today.Buuut...Shiver is too much fun...

Hmm, there were a few things I wanted to write about.

My computer stopped being able to connect to the net this morning, but it's back on now, but gahhh that's infuriating. And it made me forget one of the things I wanted to talk about.

I remember the others, though.

1) Black Market Cigarette Sales.

Okay, on the way to work today, I saw a guy walking down the street selling "packs and loosies." I'm no fan of tobacco smoking, I don't think anyone should do it, but the prices on cigarettes are going to drive plenty of smokers to purchase illegally-- thus risking the same sorts of problems that come from a lack of regulation in any illegal drug trade. And if we're going to do THAT, can't we at least get the manufactury out of the hands of people who are responsible for making cigarettes even more poisonous and deadly?

2) New York City.

Is probably the only city in the world where the HOTEL EMPLOYEES are the ones communicating with tourists by using their hands because they (the hotel workers) don't know the native language.

This makes me <3 New York.
teaberryblue: (Default)
i seriously feel like crap right now, so please pardon me for using my journal for ranting. this entry is, umm, somewhat protected beyond my usual friends' list, which isn't something i do too often.

cut for stupid frapping existentialist lamentations )
teaberryblue: (Default)
i seriously feel like crap right now, so please pardon me for using my journal for ranting. this entry is, umm, somewhat protected beyond my usual friends' list, which isn't something i do too often.

cut for stupid frapping existentialist lamentations )
teaberryblue: (Default)
i seriously feel like crap right now, so please pardon me for using my journal for ranting. this entry is, umm, somewhat protected beyond my usual friends' list, which isn't something i do too often.

cut for stupid frapping existentialist lamentations )
teaberryblue: (cute kit)
So my apartment is about 1/3 of the way cleaned. There is still a HUGE stack of crap in the middle of the room, and the sofa is covered with Mikey's clothes, which need to be bagged. I'm not sure where to put the bags, though-- Sweetie, do you know when they're coming with the van?

The entryway, where my computer is, is entirely cleaned, other than the random boxes that need to be cut up and thrown out. I think I managed to get everything onto the bookshelves, too. So now tonight I think I'm gonna clean up the bedroom area and then leave the main space for when that's done. And laundry. Need to do laundry.

I accidentally left the drain pug out of the kitchen sink, leaving my sink to get clogged. Which means I have to re-clean my sink. Blargh.

And my muscles I think are the sorest they've ever been. I have these two ugly matching bruises on my upper arms and they ouchy. Also on my hipbones.

Something I've noticed about being thinner-- I have these new, funny, second points on my elbows that I don't recall having hand before. Weird new bones. I would be more interested in them, only bending my arms hurts at the moment. I'm also pretty close to needing to go out and buy new pants again. My sixes are still fitting okay, but my eights are falling off now. When I was at my parents' house this weekend, I tried on my mom's clothes from high school-- this is one of those things I use to gauge how big or little I really am. They have no sizes in them cause she cut the tags out, but most of them never fit me when I was a high schooler. All of them did, including one pair of pants that had never fit me before.

I feel kind of weird about the whole thin-ness thing. I'm not attempting to lose weight, I'm not starving myself, but it's true I don't eat much. Eating means getting up from the computer! However, I was never a big eater, and I never lost weight before. I'm now down to 124, I don't feel unhealthy, I look fairly good, if a bit pointy, though I must say being skinny makes you get ouchy sometimes because your bones are closer to the things that bump them. Since I'm terribly out-of-shape, I still have flab, which is kind of funny. I feel stupider having flab at a size six than I did at a size 10, and it kind of makes me want to exercise, but I'm afraid I would wear away into nothing!

It's a weird feeling, because I don't exactly want to be so skinny, but you know how it is, we live in an era when "you've lost weight" is analogous to "i love you," and everyone I see greets me with such gushing praise, as if I won a Pulitzer or something. I just lost weight, my god, nothing I want to accomplish has anything to do with weight at all anyway. And I don't want to explain to people that I'd probably like to be back up at maybe 130, 135. On the other hand, I do have a sort of morbid curiosity about what I would look like if I were very skinny-- new bones protruding and all kind of makes it this interesting thing I've never seen before. Oh well, I'll drink my sugar-water and let nature decide what the hell she's doing with me.

I need food. I'm a bit wary about going to the grocer quite yet because of the blackouts-- I want to make sure the food I buy isn't going to go old in a day or two because it was left without cold for so long. I could buy dry goods, but I want ice cream and pierogies, and I'm afraid if I go get them now, they'll all be refrozenish. And yeah. I need to go anyway, I have one box of rice pilaf and one can of soup. I do have pasta, but I have nothing to put on it and protein is important. I got a new toaster, so I can finally eat my Pop Tarts, but, well, I don't think Frosting counts as a nutritional supplement.

Gonna put on my headphones, tune stuff out.

Profile

teaberryblue: (Default)
teaberryblue

July 2015

S M T W T F S
   1234
5 67891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031 

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags