it's not just the project. it's a combination of not being able to work on the project *and* losing contact with someone who i care about very much at the same time.

i tend to be the sort of person who, when i *do* have a project that i'm extremely invested in, i work on it nonstop and don't stop till it's finished. i'm fairly obsessed with productivity-- i don't like being in places where i can't be working on something, i get very anxious over time spent that doesn't have a reciprocal "finished product." so to have working on one thing nonstop, have it not be finished, and be forced to put it aside without being finished is really, really aggravating. then you have to compoud that with the fact that i'm also cut off completely not only from the person i was working with on it, but also from someone i consider to be one of my best friends, and the person who, if i were stuck not being able to work on something under normal conditions, would be the person i'd be talking to about it.

i'm also at a point in my life where i'm trying to make a serious decision about whether i really want to write, seriously, which is a very difficult decision to make-- it means giving up a lot of the benefits of my current sitution. so trying to make that decision when the biggest project i've been working on is on the shelf makes it even more difficult.