I think your tone is really strong. I love the clipped phrases, the sparsity of language you use, because when you do add more detail, it makes it more important, and it also creates a nice pace. I don't get lost mid-sentence.
I also think you have a good grasp on a character type that you are writing, and your pacing is good, and fits the theme of the week, where it starts slowly and gets more rushed in the end.
The one weak point, for me, is that there is a lack of specificity. I had trouble figuring out exactly what they were doing in the first few paragraphs, and I think in genre fiction especially, specifics ground it and make the reader feel like the writer knows what they're talking about. Adding in some more specific details of investigatory work, or even just of this case, would have helped, I think. I think you could add in some detail to the piece without using more detailed language (which would be jarring with the clipped tone).
no subject
Okay!
I think your tone is really strong. I love the clipped phrases, the sparsity of language you use, because when you do add more detail, it makes it more important, and it also creates a nice pace. I don't get lost mid-sentence.
I also think you have a good grasp on a character type that you are writing, and your pacing is good, and fits the theme of the week, where it starts slowly and gets more rushed in the end.
The one weak point, for me, is that there is a lack of specificity. I had trouble figuring out exactly what they were doing in the first few paragraphs, and I think in genre fiction especially, specifics ground it and make the reader feel like the writer knows what they're talking about. Adding in some more specific details of investigatory work, or even just of this case, would have helped, I think. I think you could add in some detail to the piece without using more detailed language (which would be jarring with the clipped tone).
I hope that makes sense and is helpful!