The strongest part, for me, was the scene with the blackbirds. I liked how you used them as a metaphor for the 19th century millinery industry, and it really worked well for me.
I felt like your choice to write in phonetic dialect was a stumbling block, especially since I really never saw giraffes as having Texan accents. I could have done without that. It pulled me out of the story.
The pacing was good, especially in the scene with the meringue of death. I liked how you slowed everything down when Bill ate the meringue and began to bleed from the eyes. It really contrasted with the opening part and the quick pace you established there.
I think you overused the word "ignominious" a bit too much in this story, though, unless you were doing it deliberately to recall the way Mary Shelley uses it in pretty much every other paragraph of Frankenstein. I couldn't tell.
no subject
I felt like your choice to write in phonetic dialect was a stumbling block, especially since I really never saw giraffes as having Texan accents. I could have done without that. It pulled me out of the story.
The pacing was good, especially in the scene with the meringue of death. I liked how you slowed everything down when Bill ate the meringue and began to bleed from the eyes. It really contrasted with the opening part and the quick pace you established there.
I think you overused the word "ignominious" a bit too much in this story, though, unless you were doing it deliberately to recall the way Mary Shelley uses it in pretty much every other paragraph of Frankenstein. I couldn't tell.