See below; in my mind, there's a bit of a difference between living somewhere and being from somewhere. (I am damn sure not a New Yorker, as our conversation shows. *laughs*) I don't know where deathrockboy's from, but saying 'these people' and stuff led me to believe he wasn't.
And hence the vast levels of culture shock currently happening to yours truly. It's not that people don't tell people what they 'really think,' it's that it doesn't happen directly in front of other people. It happens in private if necessary - parents chewing out their kids et cetera - but never in front of, say, a guest. (That happened to me once up here, and I was just frozen in place. What do you DO in that situation? Can it not wait until you aren't in front of company?)
But even when being polite about it, thinking that "pretending nicey-nice" means that no communication or fighting is going on isn't accurate. It definitely is, but it just doesn't involve blatancy. Two people exchanging pleasantries and barbs are definitely fighting, and they know it; no 'simmering-pot level of anger all the time' results. Thinking that 'dealing with problems and getting on with life' must perforce involve a good scream at someone in public is self-justifying and inconsiderate of those around you.
(That last sentence was deliberate. I managed to explain my perspective without attacking yours; would you mind doing the same for me and not using words like 'dishonest' and 'pretend nicey-nice'?)
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Date: 2008-09-04 03:26 pm (UTC)And hence the vast levels of culture shock currently happening to yours truly. It's not that people don't tell people what they 'really think,' it's that it doesn't happen directly in front of other people. It happens in private if necessary - parents chewing out their kids et cetera - but never in front of, say, a guest. (That happened to me once up here, and I was just frozen in place. What do you DO in that situation? Can it not wait until you aren't in front of company?)
But even when being polite about it, thinking that "pretending nicey-nice" means that no communication or fighting is going on isn't accurate. It definitely is, but it just doesn't involve blatancy. Two people exchanging pleasantries and barbs are definitely fighting, and they know it; no 'simmering-pot level of anger all the time' results. Thinking that 'dealing with problems and getting on with life' must perforce involve a good scream at someone in public is self-justifying and inconsiderate of those around you.
(That last sentence was deliberate. I managed to explain my perspective without attacking yours; would you mind doing the same for me and not using words like 'dishonest' and 'pretend nicey-nice'?)